Remember and Grieve Together

We inhabit a world where life plus the pandemic have given us much to grieve. Simultaneously, that same pandemic has robbed us of access to many of the opportunities we, historically, have leaned into during times of sorrow. On September 29th, Trinity Lutheran held a “grief evening”. There was time in the sanctuary for individual contemplation with live music as the background, plus a 20-minute gathering with readings and prayers. “Remember and Grieve Together” was designed as a time to name the losses that make us feel less-than-whole and, surrounded by those who love us, to hear words of validation and comfort. Here is the link to the video https://youtu.be/Bpkw0Wgqmf4

In ministry, the events we plan often become more than just those events themselves. They serve as frameworks for many other blessings that occur before, during, and after. At times, these may actually feel more impactful than the event itself. From our experience of September 29, here are a few:

1. Our research introduced us to contemporary prayers and readings. These words captured exactly many of our thoughts and feelings. To them we added ancient treasures such as Psalm 23, Isaiah 43, and Romans 8. We are so grateful for “Speak It Plain” by Meta Herrick Carlson and “Creating Space: A Prayer Book for Peace in Times of Crisis and Chaos” from waytolead.org.
2. We asked people to submit names of those who died or moved away and, if possible, photographs or objects to remind us of them. The “grief work” of going through photographs and making selections was, we know, both hard AND helpful. The sharing of these treasures was an exercise in trust. The gathering of this collection generated some loving conversations. And the final display showed faces, personalized in ways that statistics on the evening news can never convey.
3.  Within our culture, it is “acceptable” to grieve people who have died (as long as we don’t do it too loudly or for too long). Our event surprised some people by suggesting that we also grieve for other reasons: when pets die; when people move away; when discourse becomes so uncivil that talking with friends and family feels like walking through a minefield; when treasured events get cancelled; when relationships are fractured; when we lose the ability to plan; when we can no longer be sure that a runny nose or sore throat is just that (and not the dreaded virus). It was powerful to acknowledge things which some people had not yet realized they were grieving.

We all seek to feel whole, grieving those things that leave us feeling less-than-whole. But we find comfort in each other and in the words of our faith, such as these from Romans 8: